After yesterday's two very traumatic contacts with the Veterans Administration, my self esteem and self-confidence plummeted to a low that I have not had since I was broke and homeless seven years ago. I have recovered quite a bit since yesterday, but still need support in dealing with the abusive elements of the Veterans Administration.
At the moment I feel physically weak and a bit ill. But, if I am to continue to live free and outside of a nursing home, I must find ways to clean my home other than the VA, which is as oppressive as any other government bureaucracy.
I'm still feeling ill. And depressed. I am tired from fighting big corporations and bureaucracies for the right to live. There is no way to win. And I am very, very tired.
A few minutes ago I read the documentation that came with the new medication I began last night. The initial side effects, which are suppose to end after a week or two, include drowsiness, depression and suicidal thoughts. That accounts for a lot of what I'm feeling; I hope the side effects disappear quickly!
I think I could probably live without the caregivers; only a few of the many I've had provided the care they were hired to do. The problem with being 100% on my own is standing on my left leg: I can only manage it for 10 or so minutes before it is too painful and weak to hold me up. Then I must be off of it for at least 20 minutes.
I am very tired. It has been months since I have had no stress to prevent my sleep. All of it is taking a great toll on me.
At the moment I feel physically weak and a bit ill. But, if I am to continue to live free and outside of a nursing home, I must find ways to clean my home other than the VA, which is as oppressive as any other government bureaucracy.
A few minutes ago I read the documentation that came with the new medication I began last night. The initial side effects, which are suppose to end after a week or two, include drowsiness, depression and suicidal thoughts. That accounts for a lot of what I'm feeling; I hope the side effects disappear quickly!
I think I could probably live without the caregivers; only a few of the many I've had provided the care they were hired to do. The problem with being 100% on my own is standing on my left leg: I can only manage it for 10 or so minutes before it is too painful and weak to hold me up. Then I must be off of it for at least 20 minutes.
I am very tired. It has been months since I have had no stress to prevent my sleep. All of it is taking a great toll on me.
You have had lots of stress, Nick, but I think you have handled it well. My prayers for you at this moment.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you Rev Nick. I saw a youtube vid of you & you stayed really level.dealing with the VA, even telling the person you are affected mentally by all of.it. I can't do that- yet.
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