Day Fifty

After yesterday's two very traumatic contacts with the Veterans Administration, my self esteem and self-confidence plummeted to a low that I have not had since I was broke and homeless seven years ago. I have recovered quite a bit since yesterday, but still need support in dealing with the abusive elements of the Veterans Administration.

At the moment I feel physically weak and a bit ill. But, if I am to continue to live free and outside of a nursing home, I must find ways to clean my home other than the VA, which is as oppressive as any other government bureaucracy.  

I'm still feeling ill. And depressed. I am tired from fighting big corporations and bureaucracies for the right to live. There is no way to win. And I am very, very tired.

A few minutes ago I read the documentation that came with the new medication I began last night. The initial side effects, which are suppose to end after a week or two, include drowsiness, depression and suicidal thoughts. That accounts for a lot of what I'm feeling; I hope the side effects disappear quickly!

 I think I could probably live without the caregivers; only a few of the many I've had provided the care they were hired to do. The problem with being 100% on my own is standing on my left leg: I can only manage it for 10 or so minutes before it is too painful and weak to hold me up. Then I must be off of it for at least 20 minutes. 

I am very tired. It has been months since I have had no stress to prevent my sleep. All of it is taking a great toll on me.

Day Forty-nine

This is a short post:

I ask (and wish that you would ask, too): 

Why does the VA say "Thank you for serving" while at the same time screwing veterans?

Day Forty-two: Altruistic Me

Yep,that altruistic frog is me:I'll help someone even if what it takes to do so will drown me. In the last ten of so years I have given to others tens of thousands of dollars to the point that in the past year I have not had enough money to purchase food for any month, always running out by the second week.

Of course, money isn't the only thing my altruistic lifestyle/philosophy/theology has cost me. Without going into "ancient history" (the past 10 years), last night is an excellent example. 

My neighbor entered my apartment last night just as I was relaxing to watch Chelsea Lately -- i.e., 11:00 p.m. She whined, begging me to again drive her to the VA ER (Veterans Administration Emergency Room) as she has convinced me to do in the wee hours of the morning more than once in the past.  I explained (over and over) that I was ill: weak and painful leg; difficulty walking; labored breathing. 

She heard none of it, so finally my altruistic self kicked in and I drove her to the  VA ER, where is waited (outside on a bench because I didn't want to go inside with her) until after 3:00 a.m. when I informed her I had to go home because the battery of my portable oxygen compressor was running low. Even then she wanted me to stay, suggesting I come into the hospital and have them supply me with bottled oxygen. I didn't and reached my apartment at about 3:45 a.m.

Today I have paid a heavy price for last night and this morning's altruism. I have been exhausted; I have been sick at my stomach; and I have been basically functioning at half-speed, half-mind. There is a side story to this regarding the outcome of my neighbor's VA ER visit that I shall share tomorrow after I learn the rest of it.

With all that my lifestyle/philosophy/theology has cost me, I do not regret helping anyone, even those whose  need was a scam. Four years ago I explained one element that drives my altruism with the story of The Bishop's Candlesticks. Another driver for me is Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan.

The third element (driver) is what I learned in seminary about God's economy (economic system).

Quite simple, God's economy is the theology that in the world God has created enough for everyone to live comfortably. The reason that isn't true is that a few have a much larger portion of the world's resources which creates a scarcity of resources for the majority of others. Therefore, following God's economy informs me to share all that I have. If that sharing causing hardship for me, someone else who follows God's economy with share their wealth with me and so on throughout the world. It rather how many theologians explain the "miracle" of Jesus feeding the five thousand.

So, I continue with my altruistic lifestyle/philosophy/theology lifestyle, even though there are more times these days of my resources being inadequate even for the basic needs of the kitty kids and me. I have faith that at some point someone with share their abundance with us.

Day Twenty-eight

 I found this ring that had fallen off my finger months ago after I lost 80 pounds. It was found on the floor beneath where a table had been until I was moved it after getting rid of that damned couch. I have one more missing ring that fell from my finger at the same time as this one. I hope I can find it, too!

I completed and posted today Friday Graphic Funnies on Nick's Bytes:

Again, there is an air quality warning that should keep me indoors:

A CODE ORANGE AIR QUALITY ALERT FOR OZONE HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE LOUISVILLE METRO AREA. MEMBERS OF SENSITIVE GROUPS MAY EXPERIENCE HEALTH EFFECTS. THE GENERAL PUBLIC IS NOT LIKELY TO BE AFFECTED. SENSITIVE GROUPS INCLUDE THE ELDERLY... CHILDREN... PERSONS WITH ASTHMA OR OTHER BREATHING PROBLEMS... AND PERSONS WITH LUNG AND HEART DISEASE. PEOPLE IN THESE GROUPS ARE ADVISED TO LIMIT THEIR OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES TO REDUCE THEIR EXPOSURE TO OZONE AND PARTICULATE POLLUTION.

 I don't know if it will: I have much to do.

Last night, my left leg was so weak and painful that I couldn't stand or walk, even with a walking stick. By this morning (and 1600 mg. of Ibuprofen) I can stand and, with my cane, walk: the pain level is higher than it has been in months, but at least I'm mobile; I have breakfasted on toast and coffee and fed and watered the kitty kids. I still need to be able to stand and keep my balance long enough to clean all 3 litter boxes. I'll do that a little at a time.

A FB conversation on oppressive bank practices:

ME: These NSF fees banks charge their customers are supposedly allowed by Federal law as "punishment" for overdrafts. However, at $35.00 + each they are in reality bug money makers for commercial banks. The U.S. banking regulations need to be changed to reflect this; consumers need to withdraw they funds from banks to charge these outrageous fees. Hell, there was a time when we didn't buy grapes in protest of capitalist exploitation, so why not now avoid banks that are 1000% more exploitative and oppressive. After all, it bankers are going to treat their customers like shit, those customers need not sit by and take it.

ME: I don't have NSF fees anymore. I left the bank that charged me over $1000 a year and now bank online with a bank that doesn't charge me any NSF fees. That's what I recoomend everyone who are customers of commercial banks do. Either that or joint a credit union. 

ANOTHER: Isn't the really bad? Not only does your bank charge you but the person you were paying gets hit with a similar fee that they usually want you to pay too. They are did something terrible that hopefully they no longer do. They would clear the bigest checks first. So if you have 5 checks, one for $400 and the other 4 add up to less than $100 all together and you only had $300 in checking, if they cashed the small checks first you would only get hit with one fee. If they clear the big check first you would be hit with five fees. That is such a scummy move on their part. Luckily I switched to a Credit Union over 15 years ago.

ME: You are so right. That's what BB&T did to me ever since they bought out the Bank of Louisville where I had banked for decades. Not only that, but when I asked to borrow $600 they told me that BB&T doesn't make loans that small so they sent me to a loan company the bank owns where I an paying 34% interest. Even now, more than 2 years after I switched to Capital One online, BB&T is trying to collect fees they assessed my account after it was closed. I am part of a class action law suit again BB&T, but I am sure I'll be long dead by the time that suit gets to court.

The CODE ORANGE AIR QUALITY ALERT FOR OZONE  has been extended through Sunday morning. Damn!

Alex has taken over my desk.

 

Little Girl has taken over my chair.

Sugar wants to go outside.