Day Fifty-one

Forget what happened long ago!
Don’t think about the past.
I am creating something new.
There it is! Do you see it?
~ Isaiah 43.18-19a

I awakened chilled this morning, so I put on this jacket. In taking this photo with my webcam I hadn't expected to have sugar in it, but there she is. And that's OK.

I have decided to attempt living on my own without caregivers. There are several reasons for that. I may share all of them later. At the moment I want to share my breakfast.

My leg hurt as I was preparing breakfast and I had to support myself to keep from falling, but I made  my breakfast and it was great.

I also can cook a neat lunch:

After lunch, I fell asleep watchiing the Cleveland v. Cincinnati NFL football game. I awakned feeling very, very hot, sweating profusly. When I checked the thermostat, I found that when I turned off the air-conditioning this morning, I also turned on the heat. It is now starting to cool off in my apartment. 

At my age, that is the type of faux pas that concerns me. I cannot see the thermostat without wearing glasses and bending over. That, unfortunately, is much more difficult for me than it was when I was younger.

It has been high cat drama today. Little Girl has been jumping and running most of the afternoon. (At the moment she is napping). One wouldn't think that this cute little one could cause as much havoc as she does:

She has knocked stuff off the kitchen counter, my desk, and the box of prescription drugs sitting beside me as I was refilling the box that separate the doses. Later, during one of her runs she landed on my hand and I'm concerned it may become infected:

For the most part, Little Girl intimidates Alex and Sugar. Alex has been hiding since breakfast. Sugar begged so treats and, after I gave her some on top of the printer, Little Girl tried to take them away from her. This time Little Girl backed off and Sugar ate her treats while keeping an eye on Little Girl.

I've located Alex's hiding spot: on top of the newly washed clothes. So, I'll have to wait his awakening before I can fold and put the clothes away.

This evening I attempted to mop the kitchen floor with my Shark steam mop. I found that the washable microfiber cleaning pad has probably not been washed since I washed it over a years ago. With the caregivers here, I have not looked at it until today. They used it often; why would they not just throw the pad into the washer, which is right beside where the mop is stored?

I am too tired from the evens of this day to stay awake any later. I realize that I never go to bed this early. Well, at least I haven't in a very long time.

Good night, World!

Day Fifty

After yesterday's two very traumatic contacts with the Veterans Administration, my self esteem and self-confidence plummeted to a low that I have not had since I was broke and homeless seven years ago. I have recovered quite a bit since yesterday, but still need support in dealing with the abusive elements of the Veterans Administration.

At the moment I feel physically weak and a bit ill. But, if I am to continue to live free and outside of a nursing home, I must find ways to clean my home other than the VA, which is as oppressive as any other government bureaucracy.  

I'm still feeling ill. And depressed. I am tired from fighting big corporations and bureaucracies for the right to live. There is no way to win. And I am very, very tired.

A few minutes ago I read the documentation that came with the new medication I began last night. The initial side effects, which are suppose to end after a week or two, include drowsiness, depression and suicidal thoughts. That accounts for a lot of what I'm feeling; I hope the side effects disappear quickly!

 I think I could probably live without the caregivers; only a few of the many I've had provided the care they were hired to do. The problem with being 100% on my own is standing on my left leg: I can only manage it for 10 or so minutes before it is too painful and weak to hold me up. Then I must be off of it for at least 20 minutes. 

I am very tired. It has been months since I have had no stress to prevent my sleep. All of it is taking a great toll on me.

Day Twenty-seven

I am beginning to wonder if writing this journal isn't more time-consuming than it is worth. 

I have completed and post this Nick's Bytes remembrance of the execution of Sacco and Vanzetti 85 years ago today.

Nobody Important has done some research on the Swedish so-called sex charges against Julian Assange. and published in her blog: HERE.

My damned left leg has given out on me and I can hardly stand up, much less walk. This has happened infrequently since the tank injured my leg 42 years ago. The worse part about being unable to walk/stand is bathroom trips and cooking a meal. I am hungry!

The nastiest fall the leg caused me was down the front steps of the church I pastored in Cannelton, Indiana, in the mid-1980s:

My last Sunday as pastor of St. John UCC

Day Twenty-five

Today I am attempting telephone contacts with government bureaucrats and lackeys of the 1%. I'm have a difficult time not becoming depressed.

Thus far today I've been unable to reach the bureaucrats with whom I've needed to speak at VA. I have spoken with someone at Montgomery Ward and my account has supposed been corrected to show PAID IN FULL. 

I don't know how long I can sit here doing this!

A CODE ORANGE AIR QUALITY ALERT FOR OZONE HAS BEEN ISSUED BY THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE FOR THE LOUISVILLE METRO AREA. MEMBERS OF SENSITIVE GROUPS MAY EXPERIENCE HEALTH EFFECTS.

Unfortunately, I am a member of two of those Sensitive Groups!

I'm giving up on the phone calls I've been making most of today. Since I'm not getting through to anyone at VA with whom I need to talk and Ma Bell only gets me robots and then people who can't assist me and who transfer me to another damned robot, I'm going to save my sanity, relax, and try again tomorrow.

This seems to come from the same "scientific reasoning" as the one Atkin used concerning rape:

Todd Akin would have made an excellent member of the Inquisition. 

I just prublished this graphic in my primary blog, Nick's Bytes:

With his engineering and managerial experience, Republican U.S. Representative William Todd Akin would have made an excellent witch hunter

This evening I am feeling an anxiety that is pushing me down into depression. It isn't what I can do or can't do that drives me into depression, it's the threats and power of idiot bureaucrats, politicians, religious freaks, and the lackeys of the 1% do that frighten me.

Day Twenty

One of my favorite Native American parables

My life is now 100% weird. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

An Ancient Christian Legend: When the Son of God was nailed to the cross and died, he went straight down to hell and set free all the sinners there in torment. The Devil wept and wailed for he thought he would get no more sinners for hell. Then God said to him, “Do not weep, for I shall send you all those who are self-righteous in their condemnation of sinners. And hell will fill up again until I return.”

In a nation run by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: Not necessarily to Win, but mainly to keep from Losing Completely. ~ Hunter S. Thompson.

I'm rereading Jack Kerouac's The Dharma Bums. I'm wondering what my life would have been like had I read it when I was twenty instead of after I was married with a child.

I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life.~ Jack Kerouac

Day Four

Good morning, World! 

May Justice, Peace, and Love be with you today!

I've been awake since 4:00 a.m., repeatedly check my online bank for the moment that my pension check is posted so that I can go out and purchase milk, bread, and cat food. Normally it's shows up by 2:00 a.m. CST, but not today.

My pension check was posted to my account by 5:30 a.m. I've since purchased gasoline and food for the kitty kids and me. We all breakfasted on foods we've not had in more than 2 weeks. (Alex is still eating breakfast; Sugar has eaten hers plus some kitty cat treats. She has confiscated my chair for a post-breakfast nap.

I am attempting to write a new Nick's Bytes blog post, but Blogger is not saving it. I suppose I'll break for lunch (Meals on Wheels has not come) and try again later.

After lots of Internet problems, I finally wrote and published my Nick's Bytes post, Remembering the XX Olympiad, on what has come to be known as the  the Munich Massacre.