Day Fifty

After yesterday's two very traumatic contacts with the Veterans Administration, my self esteem and self-confidence plummeted to a low that I have not had since I was broke and homeless seven years ago. I have recovered quite a bit since yesterday, but still need support in dealing with the abusive elements of the Veterans Administration.

At the moment I feel physically weak and a bit ill. But, if I am to continue to live free and outside of a nursing home, I must find ways to clean my home other than the VA, which is as oppressive as any other government bureaucracy.  

I'm still feeling ill. And depressed. I am tired from fighting big corporations and bureaucracies for the right to live. There is no way to win. And I am very, very tired.

A few minutes ago I read the documentation that came with the new medication I began last night. The initial side effects, which are suppose to end after a week or two, include drowsiness, depression and suicidal thoughts. That accounts for a lot of what I'm feeling; I hope the side effects disappear quickly!

 I think I could probably live without the caregivers; only a few of the many I've had provided the care they were hired to do. The problem with being 100% on my own is standing on my left leg: I can only manage it for 10 or so minutes before it is too painful and weak to hold me up. Then I must be off of it for at least 20 minutes. 

I am very tired. It has been months since I have had no stress to prevent my sleep. All of it is taking a great toll on me.

Day Four

Good morning, World! 

May Justice, Peace, and Love be with you today!

I've been awake since 4:00 a.m., repeatedly check my online bank for the moment that my pension check is posted so that I can go out and purchase milk, bread, and cat food. Normally it's shows up by 2:00 a.m. CST, but not today.

My pension check was posted to my account by 5:30 a.m. I've since purchased gasoline and food for the kitty kids and me. We all breakfasted on foods we've not had in more than 2 weeks. (Alex is still eating breakfast; Sugar has eaten hers plus some kitty cat treats. She has confiscated my chair for a post-breakfast nap.

I am attempting to write a new Nick's Bytes blog post, but Blogger is not saving it. I suppose I'll break for lunch (Meals on Wheels has not come) and try again later.

After lots of Internet problems, I finally wrote and published my Nick's Bytes post, Remembering the XX Olympiad, on what has come to be known as the  the Munich Massacre.