2014-06-15 Sunday

As I wrote yesterday, today the kittens were one year old. My blog post of pictures of the kittens from the birth of Midnight until her two sisters were adopted is located at http://saintnicksbytes.blogspot.com/2014/06/happy-birthday-to-midnight-and-her.html. I became quite sad and shed more than a few tears as I created that post and remembered the months with the kittens via the many photographs I have taken.

Today the Kitty kids ate the last of the cat food. I suppose I shall feed them lunchmeat until I have the funds to purchase more cat food.

While responding today to a question regarding spirituality, I reread St. John of the Cross' The Dark Night of the Soul.

The Dark Night of the Soul

St John Of the Cross

On a dark night,
Kindled in love with yearnings–oh, happy chance!–
I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest.

In darkness and secure,
By the secret ladder, disguised–oh, happy chance!–
In darkness and in concealment,
My house being now at rest.

In the happy night,
In secret, when none saw me,
Nor I beheld aught,
Without light or guide, save that which burned in my
heart.

This light guided me
More surely than the light of noonday
To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me–
A place where none appeared.

Oh, night that guided me,
Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover,
Lover transformed in the Beloved!

Upon my flowery breast,
Kept wholly for himself alone,
There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him,
And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

The breeze blew from the turret
As I parted his locks;
With his gentle hand he wounded my neck
And caused all my senses to be suspended.

I remained, lost in oblivion;
My face I reclined on the Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself,
Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

I have still been ill today. So I slept almost all day. Tonight the weakness in my leg is less; however, I still have a severe headache and lots of nausea. The ibuprofen does not seem to help the pain in my head nor does the nausea treatment (a teaspoon of baking soda mixed into half a glass of water) stop the nausea.

Thus I shall in this journal entry now. I pray that tomorrow bring some relief.

2014-06-14 Saturday

Fathers' Day

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. I suppose it’s no different from any other Sunday to me. I miss my dad. I wish I had gotten to know him better, that he had not been an invalid last years of his life, and that he had not died so very young.

I really wish I had known my grandfather, Nick Temple, longer. I was she had not had those strokes which limited his ability to speak. I wish I could have sat beside him and heard from his mouth the stories I have heard about him from others.

I am a father. I suppose not the best in the world. I deeply miss my sons and grandchildren.

Kittens' One Year Old Tomorrow

 Tomorrow is the kittens one year birthday. I’ve created a blog for Nicks Bytes with a few pictures of their kittenhood.

Very Tired, Sad. & Anxious

I am quite tired at the moment, even though I have probably slept most of the last 12 hours. My body temperature, which usually runs quite low (96.5 to 97.5) was up to 99.7 earlier this evening. It has dropped to 98.9. My blood pressure has been out of whack, jumping up and down, for several weeks. The last measurement I took about 20 minutes ago read it 135/95. That does concern me since up until a very short time ago my blood pressure was in the okay range, 120/80 and below.

  

We are out of kitty treats and almost out of food. It is a difficult month, as each has been since January when my Social Security check ahs been shorted over $200 each month. 

Please help.

Just a little bit?

2014-06-13 Friday

Full Moon

I missed the Friday the 13^th full moon. The official full moon time was 4:11 Universal Time (Greenwich Mean Time), Friday. For us in the U.S. EDT that was 12:11 a.m. this morning. From what I can tell, there were no weird are mystical happenings today.

Tonight the moon will still appear to be full. So if I remain awake I shall go outside and howl at the moon as if I were with wolves, who are one of my totems (“power animals”).

My Leg

The pain in my left leg has receded quite a bit today; by about 2 PM it was almost unnoticeable. My leg remains weak, but with the help of my canes I have been able to get around better than I have for a very long time.

Thus, I was able to wash to loads of clothes and one dishwasher full of kitchen stuff. Three bags of trash made it to the back of my CR-V, which after driving up to the gas station and purchasing five dollars worth of gasoline, I drove to the dumpster, heaved the garbage into it, and then drove in the opposite direction to the mail boxes.

98% of the mail was junk. The one exception was a letter from the department of the treasury informing me that they withheld another $204.15 from my Social Security check, which they credited to the Department of Education.  Since I already knew that as of June 3^rd when my Social Security was deposited to my checking account $204.15 short, I can rightly say that that letter was junk also.

Kitty Kids

I really must change my Habit of giving treats to the cats on demand. I am not concerned about the treats hurting them: the ingredients of the treats are as good or better than those in the dry cat food.

Alex and Midnight were on my desk together begging treats;
Midnight began to leap off just as I snapped this photo.

The problem is, all three Kitty kids gather around me and expect treats. We are down to our last bag of treats and I need to ration them. We won’t be able to afford more treats—or anything else—until July when my pension check is deposited.

There is an exception to that, of course. If the Department of Education refunds to me the more than $1200 that they had withheld from my Social Security check since January, then we will be in excellent shape.

Today I was able to access my account on the Department of Education website. The status of my request that the loan be discharged as of May 2003 continues to have the status under review.

Friday Funnies

If you have not visited my Nick’s Bytes Friday Funnies today, here are a few samples:

Please

2014-06-12 Thursday

June 12^th is special day for me: both of my sons were born on June 12^th four years apart. I remember each of their births as if it was just yesterday. They have both grown to be good men of whom I am very proud. Unfortunately, as most of you know, neither has any use for their dad.

What makes today even more special is that it is also the birthday of my grandfather, Nicholas Lawrence Temple, know to the readers of Nick's Bytes as TNT.

A Facebook post by my friend Pat in Sicily reminded me of why I am again writing this blog. It was a very nasty troll attack that almost drove me completely from Facebook. It began by the troll responding to my Facebook post lesson Pres. Obama during his trip to Afghanistan on Veterans Day by saying he wished that the President would be murdered in Afghanistan. That upset me to no end!

The troll then continued his attack on me personally with flame after flame. In case you are not aware of the definition of flamer in the context of the Internet—which neither the troll or his wife were—the Urban Dictionary gives this definition:

A person who constantly starts fights on forums or message boards, usually with many vulgar statements and outright lies attacking one individual or group.  

This flaming troll distracted me the point that I began defending myself against the flames which is neither my intent in writing on Facebook are my blogs. Even though I blocked the troll and his troll-wife from my Facebook account, he flamed again by accessing my pages via a mutual friend’s Facebook account. That was when I began considering deleting my Facebook membership.

Instead, I began to again write this journal blog. I am rather glad that I did. As a friend commented on this blog, blogging gives one the ability of writing much more depth and detail than either Facebook or Twitter. I just wish that I could follow the advice I gave Pat today via this graphic that I created shortly after the troll attacks. 

However, I can't. Being hated causes me an abnormal amount of spiritual pain.

 Tomorrow may also be a special day for some:

I, for one, do not believe that Friday the 13^th conveys bad luck.Cultural histories  confirm the neutral qualities of the day. On the other hand, I do see a potential for tomorrow being transmitter of good things.

For the past several weeks I have been reading—studying—the book Fire in the Head: Shamanism and the Celtic Spirit. For anyone interested in the ways of shamans and/or Celtic history, culture, myths, and spirituality,  this is a marvelous book that I highly recommend.

For the ancient Celts, it was not the combination of Friday, Thirteen, and Full Moon that would make the day special. It was that the light of the full moon was said to make fairies more active in lives and affairs of humans, often bringing good fortune.

With the arrival of Christianity, the fairies, who were seen as neither viewed as good or bad by the Celts became all bad. Thus, the beginning of the superstitions about the full moon and Friday the 13^th (Jesus was crucified on Friday; 13 people attended the Last Supper in the Upper Room).

I have one final item to share: the delightful and potent prayer that I received from a friend in this morning's email:

~ Healing Prayer ~

Take my higher self

and every aspect of my being

To the very first incident

that caused these issues to start.

Let go of all of them

Hold the space open for

me to fill with all good.

I ask my spirit to dissipate all negative thoughts

and behaviors quickly without

and within, no residue

or echoes left behind.

I am filled with love

and gratitude

I am surrounded and loved

and protected in every way.

Please help us:

we are in great need this month

2014-06-11 Wednesday

Rain has begun to come down again. It seems to be getting harder by the minute. I feel for the grounds maintenance to have been cutting grass and trimming during the lull in rain. I remember my college summers when I worked as a Greensman on Louisville’s Shawnee Golf Course. If I were cutting a green when the rain began, I would do my best to complete the job before moving to shelter. Usually, my clothes ended up soaked. When the rain stopped and the sun began to shine, it seemed that steam arose from my wet clothes as they dried.

Shawnee Golf Course: one of the greens for which I was responsible

Having my toenails from yesterday was a wonderful experience. Considering my initial Veterans Affairs medical appointment for toenail trimming was last February, were extremely long. So long that my right big toe punched a hole in my house slippers. And, the only shoes I could get into the go outside were opened-toed sandals. The podiatrist who trimmed my nails did an excellent job. Because I am diabetic, she will return on a monthly basis not only to check my toenails, but the condition of my feet. I wish I had known about these service years ago.

I wish the rest of me felt as good as my toes feel. I’m still almost constantly nauseous. The only thing that helps is a teaspoon of baking soda dissolved in a glass of water and drunk. My left leg remains painful and weak. There are a lot of shores that I have been unable to do, including washing clothes, putting dishes in the dishwasher, general cleaning, and fixing myself good meals. I have plenty of food; I just am unable to get to it.

The Kitty Kids have been quite happy since I was able to purchase their favorite wet cat food and treats on June 2^nd. Unfortunately, the food will not last until the end of the month and as of right now I have only about $15 in the bank. 

Sugar with her favorite treats

Alex with his favorite treats

Midnight would prefer to run and play than eat treats. (Not all the time, of course)

I am unable to pay my electric bill. Today I finally got to talk to someone at Louisville Gas and Electric. She told me that I cannot make any arrangements now but must wait until after June 17th (when the payment is due) and I receive a “disconnect notice.” That makes absolutely no sense to me. I would much rather make arrangements now without risking having my electricity and thus my oxygen got off.

My hope in all this financial shit is that the United States Department of Education will refund me all of the money they have taken from my social security check this year once my disability is recognized. Of course, I don’t really expect that the bureaucracy will do that with lots of negotiation. I have tried several times this week to reach the D.O.E. by telephone and on the Federal Student Aid website without finding out anything. ‘[SIGH]

One final comment: I have been having extreme difficulty breathing the past couple of days. Between that and my weak leg, I have spent most of my time connected to the CPAP, sleeping.  It isn’t that my blood oxygen level is low—the pulse oximeter read 95% most of the time—it is that I have difficulty breathing through my nose so I’ve breath through my mouth. I have been doing that almost all of my life. I suppose it has to do with the allergens I have been exposed to in the many river valleys in which I have lived.

Please

We are in serious need.

2014-06-09 Monday

This journal post could almost be the same as yesterday’s post. I am still having difficulty walking on my weekly; however, I only pissed on myself once today trying to get to the bathroom. I still have not located that little handheld urinal thing. Of course, my leg hasn’t been strong enough to move around looking for it.

The Kitty Kids seem to be a bit more demanding today than they did yesterday. Well, I should say, “Midnight has been more demanding today than she was yesterday.” (I am still not 100% sure that Midnight is female. The brief moments I have to inspect her rear end too short to be conclusive).

I still need to some how from somewhere raise the money to pay the Louisville Gas and Electric bill. It is about $151.00; I have $26.00 to live on for the rest of the month. I need to contact more local churches; however, it’s hard for me when I have difficulty speaking on the telephone, difficulty staying awake, and difficulty asking someone to help me. After all, all my life I have been the one responding to requests for aid; it has only been recently that I have been the one asking for aid.

I am hoping against reality that the US Department of Education will refund some or all of the $1200 they have taken from my Social Security check thus far in 2014. Perhaps I’ll have the energy tomorrow to make more telephone calls to see if I can find out from Washington what is going on. Or perhaps it is better that I use my awake time to seek the money to pay my electric bill.

I telephoned my mother around 5 o’clock after I had awakened from my second afternoon nap. It seems that she had not realized that she had not talked to me yesterday. That’s good. When Mom does not talk to me, she creates in her mind the worst possible scenario such as I have fallen and along the floor, or even dead.

I have been awake now about an hour and a half. My leg hurts sitting up, so as soon as I publish this journal post, I shall again recline in my lift chair and elevate my legs.

Please drop by today's Nick's Bytes: Too Bad It's Monday and enjoy the humor. 

Blessings to all!

2014-06-08 Sunday

Today was another day of nausea and left leg weakness. This not being able to walk is becoming a real bother. Twice today I pissed myself trying to make it to the bathroom. Somewhere I have one of those and hand-held urinals, but I can’t stay on my feet long enough to find it.

I have had difficulty getting to the kitchen to prepare my meals. This evening I did something that, considering I don’t have enough money to pay the utility bill this month or additional food for the Kitty kids at me, was really dumb. I ordered and had delivered a pizza, which will provide three meals for me and which I do not plan to refrigerate. (Anything to stay off my feet).

Again I have been napping a lot today. I regret taking a late afternoon nap that lasted until after 8 PM because I miss my time to telephone my mother. I attempted to call her after I woke up, but it was evidently too late and she was already asleep. Not being able to talk to her saddens me; at age 91, I won’t have that many more opportunities to talk to Mom.

The Kitty Kids have been real darlings today. Even Alex allowed me to nap through their 5 PM dinnertime. Sugar is unhappy that we are again out of kitty cat treats; however, she finally ate the dry cat food I offered her in their stead. With my limited mobility, Midnight no longer follows the into the bathroom but is now is there ahead of me, awaiting my arrival.

That’s it for this Sunday. I completed tomorrow’s Nick’s Bytes blog post late this morning. So I shall now meditate, attempt to massage my leg, and go back to sleep.